When the news of a pregnancy is received, most people tend to interpret it as an automatic birth; but the reality is that not all pregnancies go to term. Our psychotherapist, Katia Rodriguez, a specialist in assisting people undergoing Assisted Reproduction treatments, explains that miscarriage is something very common, which occurs with many pregnancies, whether or not they have been achieved with any treatment, which involves different challenges that require physical and emotional attention.
Miscarriage is defined as the loss of the pregnancy before 20 weeks. Contrary to popular belief, miscarriage is relatively common, about 10% to 20% of known pregnancies do not go to term.
Before explaining why this happens, it is worth clarifying some of the misconceptions surrounding it and specifying certain issues that are not exactly related to miscarriage. Pregnancy loss does not happen because you are stressed, nor does it happen because you have had an argument with someone or feel ambivalent about the pregnancy.
A miscarriage does not occur from lifting something heavy, drinking a cup or two of coffee, or having sex. In short: you do not cause the miscarriage.
According to medical research, most spontaneous miscarriages occur because the fetus is not developing normally. The developmental deficiency is usually due to certain chromosomal abnormalities that occur for no clear reason.
Usually, chromosomal problems are the result of errors that occur by chance as the embryo divides and grows, and are not necessarily problems that are inherited from the parents.
Taking an Assisted Reproduction treatment does not have to affect the normal development of the pregnancy; however, prenatal care is fundamental and this is achieved through Maternal Fetal Medicine.
At Ingenes we have the Maternal Fetal Medicine Unit, formed by specialists in high-risk pregnancies, we have innovative methods and the latest technology to increase the chances of your pregnancy reaching term.
When the projected scenarios surrounding a baby and pregnancy are disrupted, disappointment is inevitable, even more so if you have been trying to conceive for years. Sowing expectations and not fulfilling them results in frustration, so letting go of control may be the first step in dealing with a spontaneous miscarriage.
According to our psychotherapist, Katia Rodriguez, in general, when medical news is received as patients, a prognosis or a prediction of the evolution of a process is made, and not an understanding of what is happening in the body at the moment. When a miscarriage occurs, the illusion of a pregnancy prognosis is lost:
"If the doctor says he does not know the reason, because these things just happen, it increases the existential unease and even anger of the patient against the doctor or life in general. We human beings tend to seek security by finding causes".Katia concludes.
The emotions that arise from pregnancy loss need attention and understanding. As with any process, each stage needs to be healed:
"At the beginning, one experiences emotional shock or bewilderment, denial, confusion, sadness, anger; generally manifested by crying and wailing. This is because the medical cause is not known. When the explanations arrive, the emotional recovery can begin, but sometimes there is a bombardment of existential questions, more than the medical ones, for example: why me? what did I do wrong? is it a punishment? am I bad?".Katia explains.
Talking about it is always good, but establishing with whom, how often and how much information is up to each person, says psychotherapist Katia Rodriguez.
And because it is so common, all women who have ever had a pregnancy loss should feel more comfortable seeking the support they need. People should not suffer in silence after pregnancy loss:
"Miscarriage hurts because you are not only mourning the loss of a child, but the loss of the hope, dreams and moments you imagined with your baby."Katia comments.
More and more women are beginning to share their experience in the search to have a baby, as was the case of Maite, an Ingenes mom who had several miscarriages over the years, until she managed to have her 2 little girls through In Vitro Fertilization treatment.
Read her complete story here.
Accepting circumstances as they are and not as you would like them to be, as well as feeling each situation and giving yourself space to cry, scream, talk, or whatever you need to get through these moments makes complex life processes happen more easily, and emotional reset comes more quickly. Our psychotherapist advises:
"Talk to fear as a healthy entity that protects and guides to avoid suffering, but like a visitor, it has to be given limits, as it cannot always live with us. To learn to dimension fear and allow ourselves to be accompanied by it at a minimum level is to take control."Katya Rodriguez mentions.
Having a wide support network will help you overcome these difficult moments and to envision a new pregnancy (in case you decide to do so) with optimism. In addition, in the event that a miscarriage should occur again, maintaining this network helps to generate strength and adaptability:
"There is no need to be discouraged as many couples manage to have babies after one or several miscarriages. It will depend on the life project, the tolerance to frustration, the type of emotional management, among other factors, the decision to continue despite these losses."Concludes Katya Rodriguez.
At Ingenes we can help you. Since 2005, we have helped bring more than 50,000 babies into the world who are now living at home in different places around the world.
Our more than 80 doctors, experts in fertility, have seen all kinds of cases throughout this time, and surely one just like yours. Let us help you fulfill the dream you want, just click here.
"My experience with Ingenes was very calming all because of the staff, they were welcoming and made you feel at ease with everything."
Ingenes McAllen, TX.